It’s crazy stupid that guys who play video games still have this misconception that girls who play are rare; that they are “unicorns”. That’s definitely being debunked in this day and age. Gamer girls are here. We’ve always been here, and we’re growing in numbers! <insert maniacal laugh>
Anyway, I’m here to reassign the title of “Unicorns”. That’s a title that should firmly belong to “gamer girls that date non-gamer guys”.
Let that sink in. That’s right; it happens. I know this because I fall into that category. I am in a relationship with a non-gamer guy. At the beginning of the relationship, our work schedules weren’t in sync and so I had plenty of alone time to game. Now with two new jobs, they do sync up. I’m happy for more time with him, but I am also figuring out that he didn’t really have to deal with the fact that I’m a gamer until now. Now I want to game and he’s there. Now it conflicts with “us” time because we’re always together when we get home from work. This is a dynamic that crops up with any gamer dating a non-gamer, of course, but it’s usually smoothed out much earlier in a relationship.
I’ve tried talking it through with him, but there are just some things that non-gamers don’t understand. I thought we’d arrived at a compromise but when I mentioned that I wanted to game I heard that tell-tale sigh. Desperate for some sort of insight, I do what any geek would do: I hit up the internet.
Anyone else notice how many articles there are on advising gamer guys on how to handle being with a non-gamer girl? It’s damn ridiculous, I tell you! The net is overflowing with them.
- “How to Survive Dating a Gamer”
- “10 Things you Should Know About Dating a Gamer”
- “Scared to Date a Gamer?”
- “The Perfect Non-Gamer Girl”
You would think that at least a few of these would detail what it would be like for a gamer girl to date a non-gamer guy, right? — Nope! It feels like every conversation and article written is geared towards gamer guys and their issues or lack of issues with their non-gamer girlfriends.
But what if you’re the unicorn? What if you’re the gamer girl who dates the non-gamer guy? Some people might reply, “Well then you’d just take the advice and flip-flop it!” That makes sense right? I thought so too until I googled it and began reading. I wanted to see how I could apply all this advice to my own relationship.
*Ahem.
I saw a lot of this: “When my girlfriend does her girly things, I use that as a chance to game.”
Girls do have a lot of time consuming girly hobbies that are mostly solo activities. We do our nails, read books, watch reality t.v., binge on Netflix, do arts and crafts, and the list goes on. A lot of the time these are things that guys aren’t interested in so it works out.
So what happens when the tides are turned? Let’s put this into perspective.
Most gamer girls are a tomboy on some level. We tend to enjoy the same things that guys enjoy and our S/O’s know this. The options for what my non-gamer boyfriend does that’s either a solo activity or something I don’t want to do is depressingly scarce. It’s just not the same!
I’m certain that everything will work itself out. The dynamic of the relationship will have to change now that my gaming actually affects our time together, and I sense that he’s alright with that. However, I just wonder where all the advice is for the unicorns of the geek world.
Non-gamer guys: Do you have a girl that games? How did you adjust?
Gamer girls: Do you date a non-gamer? How does that work?
Gamer guys: Help.
One-Sixth Geek 
Loving the Unicorn reference. As a male gamer, dating a semi-non gaming girlfriend (she tries and I love her for that), which borderlines us being attached at the hip, I can sympathize with your predicament a bit. While the girlfriend did play FFXIV for about a year, she quit due to frustration with the community and is off doing brighter and better things. I, on the other hand, have a very addictive personality, so I tend to dive into games full speed and it can cause me to neglect my surroundings.
Having a passion for gaming and a relationship with a non-gamer can really create difficulties for those involved, one always feels left out. Some sacrifices always have to be made. Spending time with a loved one definitely takes priority, and I know you’re well aware of that. On the other hand, consider gaming like a hobby of yours. You do it because you enjoy it and it does what it needs you to do, take your mind off of things and provide entertainment.
All in all, you just have to remember that games really come second next to the person you love. You have to be willing to put your your controller down when something happens and know not to regret it even if you’re in the middle of a difficult level, boss, or playing with others. Adopting a kind of distance towards the game really helps. Thinking things like “it’s just a game” really puts the whole thing into perspective. The other day I was helping my friend set up his in game character on FFXIV and my girlfriend cut her finger with a knife. I immediately hung up the phone, dropped my controller and ran to the kitchen when I heard her scream. So making them know that you’ve got their attention is definitely important to making them feel like you’re still in the real world. Taking a little break every now and then to just say hi and show them some love is good too. A nice hug, a little conversation, maybe a T.V show break.
The MMO world seems like another beast all together. No pause button, no save points, and a whole lot of people relying on your to complete the raid. This is definitely the biggest threat to relationships that can cause a lot of drama in both real life and the game. It’s always hard to make plans especially when you’re in static groups set on completing content. People set times, expect perfect attendance, and will rage at you when you’re absent/late which can result in kicks and/or arguments. The one thing you have to remember is that it’s the same as any other game, in that it’s still only a game. My best advice to one who embraces the MMO community is never to make big commitments to it. You have every right to play at your own pace, and I know the thought of catching up with friends is nice, but it can give people serious tunnel vision. “I’m so close to being ready to play with friends, I just need a couple more days of grinding!” is definitely an easy thought that can flood our minds. If I ever get to that point, I’ve told my girlfriend time and time again to throw my PS4 out the window. I might be mad in the beginning, but I’ll cope. Eventually…
While I know most gamer guys will instinctively say things like: “You need to date a gamer guy, then there won’t be any problems!” I have to disagree. If someone is willing to make it work and be supportive of your gaming habits out of love, then you’ve got yourself a keeper ;P
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And the Award for the Longest Comment goes to. ~.^
You’re always so helpful in what you write. I can appreciate everything you touched on in your reply. MMO is certainly a beast all its own. In fact, it’s funny that you mentioned it in that way because of something my boyfriend asked. In the middle of the discussion I was having with him about my gaming, he said, “Well, can’t you just pause it?!” — And I was like, No. Lol.
I think he’ll understand with time. It’s just a new thing within the relationship that we haven’t had to deal with. I became concerned about it when he shrugged it off like it wasn’t going to change anything. Of course he comes first, but it is my #1 hobby. It will affect things, and I wanted him to accept that.
Not sure if he completely grasps it, but he will with time haha.
Time will tell, I suppose.
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Yeah time will definitely allow you two to work around it. It’ll take some adjusting, but I’m sure things will work out! You’ve just gotta find your flow with it. I actually saw this post while I was in the middle of a duty. It was a solo duty, mind you, but replying to this definitely took priority! I think that’s just the kind of mindset you need to have. Friends and loved ones are the most important! I hope I could help with your dilemma and I’ll gladly accept the award! ;P
And just remember, if your online friends aren’t willing to accept that real life comes first, then it’s time to find a new group! That’s the beauty of MMOs ;P
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